In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie outlines four sets of principles that can help anyone improve their human relationships.
To learn these principles, he recommends a weekly self-examination, review and appraisal in which you ask yourself:
What mistakes did I make?
What did I do that was right—and in what way could I have improved my performance?
What lessons can I learn from that experience?
I’ve converted my notes to a simple checklist that I can reference during my weekly reflections. Feel free to take this or repurpose it for your own use.
Am I dealing with people effectively?
❒ Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
❒ Give honest and sincere appreciation.
❒ Arouse in the other an eager want.
Am I helping people to like me?
❒ Become genuinely interested in other people.
❒ Smile.
❒ Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
❒ Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
❒ Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
❒ Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.
Am I winning people to my way of thinking?
❒ The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
❒ Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
❒ If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
❒ Begin in a friendly way.
❒ Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
❒ Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
❒ Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
❒ Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
❒ Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
❒ Appeal to the nobler motives.
❒ Dramatize your ideas.
❒ Throw down a challenge.
Am I changing people’s attitudes and behavior without giving offense or arousing resentment?
❒ Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
❒ Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
❒ Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
❒ Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
❒ Let the other person save face.
❒ Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
❒ Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
❒ Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
❒ Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.