Improve relationships using inversion

Relationship challenges are often easier to solve when viewed backward. Instead of focusing on what makes relationships better, focus on avoiding what makes them worse.

Inversion is a mental model that asks you to think through the opposite of what you want. It comes from mathematics, where you solve the inverse of a problem to better understand the original one. In life—and in relationships—sometimes avoiding the negative outcome is the best way to achieve the positive one.

If you wanted to ruin a relationship, you’d focus on yourself, seek validation instead of understanding, assume motives instead of asking questions, and offer critique before empathy. Avoiding those traps alone will strengthen almost any connection.

People generally don’t like people who dislike them. So, be more liking to be more likable.

People generally aren’t interested in people who don’t show interest in them. So, be more interested to become more interesting.

Sometimes getting closer isn’t about doing more—it’s about doing less of what pushes people away.

Have thoughts on this topic? I'd love to hear from you! I'm @RickLindquist on X.