A checklist for winning friends and influencing people
In How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie outlines four sets of principles that can help anyone improve their human relationships.
To learn these principles, he recommends a weekly self-examination, review and appraisal in which you ask yourself:
What mistakes did I make?
What did I do that was right—and in what way could I have improved my performance?
What lessons can I learn from that experience?
I’ve converted my notes to a simple checklist that I can reference during my weekly reflections. Feel free to take this or repurpose it for your own use.
Am I dealing with people effectively?
❒ Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
❒ Give honest and sincere appreciation.
❒ Arouse in the other an eager want.
Am I helping people to like me?
❒ Become genuinely interested in other people.
❒ Smile.
❒ Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
❒ Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
❒ Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
❒ Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.
Am I winning people to my way of thinking?
❒ The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
❒ Show respect for the other person’s opinion. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
❒ If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
❒ Begin in a friendly way.
❒ Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
❒ Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
❒ Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
❒ Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
❒ Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
❒ Appeal to the nobler motives.
❒ Dramatize your ideas.
❒ Throw down a challenge.
Am I changing people’s attitudes and behavior without giving offense or arousing resentment?
❒ Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
❒ Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
❒ Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
❒ Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
❒ Let the other person save face.
❒ Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
❒ Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
❒ Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
❒ Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.